Many people would like to be different than they are. And maybe you also wish some of your characteristics would change.
Beingness or character is not “given” – it is actually something one builds. Outer circumstances like how you grew up and education are not really what builds character or the way you are – it helps or hinders to develop a certain personality, but it is not the alone determining factor. What really determines it is what you decide upon and then also implement and stick to this decision, build it up and overcome obstacles.
If you ask people how they would like to be, you often get answers like “successful”, “admired”, “famous” – and a lot of attributes that are the result of something and not a characteristic as such. You are not born “successful”. You do something and become successful.
So, when thinking about forming your character, concentrate on attributes that you can cause directly. You can decide to be friendly and be friendly – you cannot decide to be admired and get admired. When trying to build up your character – focus on what you can cause and not on what should fall in your lap or how others should see you.
So, forming your character, shaping the way you are, is a life-long exercise and something you can work on every day.
- Start out with the question: How would I like to be? What would be the best version of myself – how would I be, how would I act, what would be my true nature?Write down, like a brainstorm or a mindmap, whatever comes to your mind. You can do this in one shot or stretched over a period of time, noting down something every time something comes to your mind.
- When you have your list – or at least enough for the moment – go over every point and ask yourself the questions:
- Is this something I can do myself? (like: appreciate more what I have, even the small things, and stop being annoyed about what I do not have)
- Or is it something how others should see me? (Like: See me as an intelligent person)
- Or is it something I would like to have? (Like: Be recognized for what I do?)
If it is not something you can do directly, ask yourself what you would have to do to create the effect you want. (Like: If you want to be liked by people, be nice and friendly to them and like them)
In the end, you should wind up with a list of traits and characteristics that you can cause.
- Pick up one of those characteristics on the list that you like best – maybe also an easy one – to start working on that.
- Write it on a piece of paper that you can tag to your mirror in the bathroom or on your fridge.
- Every morning, make the firm resolution that you are going to practice this very characteristic all day.
- Never mind failures, they will happen – just start again next day.
- Do this for many days, until you feel it improved. Acknowledge yourself – you achieved something. It is a very good step.
- Then go to the next characteristic and start training on that one.
It is a long process, but it is well worth it.
